Almost one year has passed since I started my journey to being a surgeon. It's hard to believe how much has changed and how much has remained. We have a saying in surgery, "No matter what they do to you, they can't stop the clock." It is typically used to describe a miserable night of call or a horrible rotation; at some designated point it has to end, you will have dispensation. In the past year I have gained a little nephew who i adore, i have made incredible friends who will share experiences that only we will understand, my best friend in the world lost his his second parent in 4 years, my friends have lost her brother tragically, lost his father too soon, married a wonderful man and two have had beautiful second daughters. My parents have done wonderful work for people who need their help. Lots has happened, I have probably helped save more patients than I know and have hopefully helped guide the others to peace. I have had the pleasure of knowing that I know how to save a life as well with the feeling of pure despair and helplessness when all of my magical medicine and science can't undo what has been done. What it has boiled down to essentially is finding the truth is no matter what I know, my mentors and attendings know or how well we treat disease, we are dealing with time, for better or worse. Time will invariably move in the opposite direction we desire. I have prayed for time to stop and for time to speed in the same hour, only to find it moves at its own rate (usually inversely proportional to my desire for it to move). The only certainty I have gained this year is that time flies no matter what and I better stop and look around once in a while, because as Ferris Bueller said, "I might miss something" and I know for sure, that would be a tragedy.
Wonderful, Jules!
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Daddy